The wolf spirit holds its steely gaze on the target while the warrior holds his ground. The warrior remains calm, utilising strength, empathy and knowledge to overcome adversity.
Reflecting back over this past year, it has been a physically, artistically and spiritually challenging one for me, but what a very rewarding journey it has been. The above statement expresses, to an extent, the process I have had to move through as I have connected further with my higher self. It has been intense, particularly over the last month, with the new moon and retrograde in full effect.
My meditation has been flawed. Each day, I take a moment out from gallery life, my heart wide open, ready to receive. Recently, however, there has been no room to accept what what the Universe has to offer, as I have been filled to the brim with misguided fear, anxiety flooding my body, the dark storm within evoking old rituals of self doubt and negativity. Far from living my dream and living full in the pursuit of my passion, the clouds have darkened, rolling in, raining on my sunny day. No stars could be seen. Matte black as far as the eye could see. I struggled, wrestled with the darkness, as it turned me inside out. I searched the black, willing my totem to appear through the thick, sticky fog. I shone my search light to all corners of my soul, hoping to find my my guide or for him to see my shining light, but either he saw no such light, or he chose to remain away, steadfast, silent and distant. Had I been abandoned in my time of need? All I was confronted with was my own reflection…My anger and frustration at my totem bubbled as I drifted through the nothingness.
Then, suddenly, I realised what was needed. I needed to take a big step back from it all and re-emerge in a different world. I needed to let go of the vice grip I kept on myself, to take a moment to just sit and breathe…and let it all go.
So I released that tight grasp on the things that I thought were so important. This is the beautiful moment when the block of negative energy is released…that overwhelming moment you feel as you are about to roll down the deep, death-defying descent of life’s roller coaster at full speed! When you hit the bottom, that is when you realise that you have been holding on for dear life for way too long! I really should have known better than to be so impatient, trying to control my destiny. Better just to strap myself in for the ride of my life!
I stepped outside to feel the dirt between my toes, the sun on my face, the wind through my hair, goosebumps rattling me, the hairs on my arms standing tall as I heard the beat of Nature’s drum. I felt her all around as she called to me, evoking my spirit. I felt the energy that I had missed so much while I was lost in the darkness. Everything came to a stand still.
It was at that moment, vivid colours appeared. I felt fluttering feathers as they brushed my face. The soft, warm sensation of a wolf pelt wrapped around me and I felt the negativity being washed away from my body. I stood tall, arms open wide to the sky, nourished by Nature’s teat. I felt grounded and at peace with myself and within my surroundings. My spirit and heart felt warmed with love. As I re-engaged with the Universe and my old soul, I found the balance inside of me. A rumble followed by a large clap of thunder opened up the sky and filled it with amazing colours….
Emanating animal and warrior strength ‘THUNDER CLOUD’ appeared to me in all of his glory. This was the exact moment, that tipping point, the edge of no return. Faith was restored to me to guide my hand or to make that final, forceful push to take it to the next level.
Feeling fully supported by the Universe, with an open heart, I accept the next soul-searching journey as I follow my chosen path. I now walk blindly into the unknown, I howling to the long winds.
The price of being the wolf is loneliness. The gift is the warrior strength and two pairs of eyes to focus on the prize and the rewarding journey ahead!
See me. FOLLOW ME…
Media Pastel and Charcoal on Canvas
Size H 950mm x W 600mm x B 45mm
Artist Darren Trebilco
Solitude Art © ®